Supporting Families with Divorce

Action Plan #4

Supporting Families with Divorce

When a young married couple feel that they are not able to love each other anymore, are in an unhealthy marriage, or have tried to work out their problems with counseling but it didn't change anything, the tendency is to go their separate way and get a divorce. This is a difficult time in these two peoples lives, now add children to the mix. If it is difficult for the married couple to handle how do you think children handle the situation of divorce, and the life they knew changing? Children feed off their parents, if the parents handle the situation calmly and not fight in front of the children, the children will handle the situation better, then a situation where there is a lot of negativity. In this action plan, I'm going to inform early childhood professionals how families are effected, and how to support the children, infant through preschool, and families through separation and divorce.

How Families are Effected by Divorce

When it comes to the young married couple planning to get divorced many things could be a factor, unfaithfulness, married to young and not prepared for the roles of a couple, abusive, untrustworthy, and to much arguing. As educators, and early childhood professionals we have to understand what could have caused the families of the young children that we care for to go through this difficult time in their lives, and separate. No matter the reason for the divorce, the outcomes of the children are always the same, difficult understanding why mommy or daddy are moving out, pain, guilt (it's my fault they are leaving?), and resentment. This time in anyone's life is stressful, and needs to be handled as stress free as possible in front of the children. I mentioned above that depending on how the parents react to the divorce, will depend on how the children react. A divorce with a lot of arguing and conflict will, make the children feel guilt, anger, and lonely. On the other hand, a divorce that is conflict free, a child will still feel anger and guilt, but will feel less alone because the two parents will work together to make the transition successful. As professionals, we need to know that the effects of divorces will not change overnight and may take up to five years to change the child's feelings and understanding of why his or her parents don't live with them all of the time.

Supporting the Children and Families

Nithyakala Karuppaswany and Judith Myers-Wells, Authors of Children's Reactions to Divorce, explain that children at different developmental stages and ages handle the stress of divorce differently. As early childhood professionals we have to understand who children at these different stages and ages handle the understanding of what is going on around them, so that we can support them correctly.

Supporting Infants with Divorce

The researchers say that even in the first years of a child's life, they are learning to read body language, emotions, who to trust, and form close relationships with. We may not always realize it, but infants do react to our emotions. Infants don't understand that their family is going through a divorce, but they do know that someone close to them is not always around. To support an infant child and his or her family in this difficult time is simple, as an educator or E.C. professional you keep their routine as normal as possible, remain calm while in their presents, always maintain a worm comfortable environment. When it comes to supporting the family, give suggestions when asked, and don't get to involved.

Supporting Toddlers with Divorce

Like with the infancy stage, Toddlers don't understand what and why their life is changing, they only know Mommy or Daddy is moving out. With toddlers you will notices signs of regression, problems sleeping, change in emotions, and anxiety when a parent is out of sight, which all could be signs of how they are dealing with the stress of the divorce. How can we as early childhood Professionals support a child and his or her family though divorce? While just like in the infancy stage, we need to keep the child's routine the same as much as possible, be reassuring , caring and patient, if possible spend some quality time with them one on one if possible. As an educator I know with the ratios it is kinda hard to spend one on one time with a child, but try to take time to sit read and make them feel special, and cared for.

Supporting Preschoolers with divorce

Preschool children are just starting to understand that one parent is not living in the same house as them, because of divorce or separation. Depending on how open the parents are about talking to them about the difficult changes that are going on in their lives. Just like with the toddlers parents and caregivers will start noticing change in the child's behaviors, like anger, guilt, emotional, acting out situations in home-living, and question what divorce is and why is this happening. As early childhood professionals we can support our preschool children through divorce by keeping their schedule and routines as much as possible the same, have them make presents for both parents, make the child feel he or she can trust you to talk about their feelings with, and just be patient and caring. As far as the family support goes, you don't want to get involved or pick sides, stay neutral, and give advice if asked for.

Divorce is a tough time for all parties involve, but as long as we are all working together to keep it as stress free, and their routines and schedules as normal as possible for the children, they will bounce back to a normal life with minimal effects. Our goal as early childhood professional is to keep our environment as safe, and comfortable as possible, while supporting positive behaviors.

References

Karuppaswany, N., and Myers-Wells, J (copyright 2006-2013) Children's Reactions to Divorce, retrieved on February 6, 2014 from www.extensions.purdue.edu/providerparent/

DeBord, K, (n.d) The Effects of Divorce on Children retrieved on February 6, 2014 from www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/fcs/pdfs/fcs471.pdf